Divorced and feeling lonely

Divorced and feeling lonely.

Dear Positive Way, I just recently went through a divorce
from a controlling marriage . I’m having a hard time dealing with the loneliness and silence in my house when I don’t have my daughter. Still in the back of my mind even though the horrible situation I just got out of I still want it back. I want to move on but I feel like I am cheating  even though I’m not married any more. I am a strong person but I’m starting to feel what depression really feels like and it scares me . any help or direction you can send me would help. thank you , signed harley1, age 33

Dear harley1, divorce is never easy no matter what the circumstance.   Many people struggle with loneliness and depression after a divorce. Here are some things I would like for you to consider:

1. Don’t fight or hide from your feelings.  You have to feel to heal.   Take advantage of the lonely times to read some books on divorce and moving on.  I have two I would like to recommend.  “Crazy Time: Surviving Divorce and Building a New Life, Third Edition by Abigail Trafford and  Rebuilding: When Your Relationship Ends by Bruce Fisher .

2.  Also read our article on Loneliness .  The more you understand your feelings you can then work through all of those feelings.

3.  If you are experiencing depression please see your Doctor so they can recommend something to help you with that.  Depression can lead to getting so low that it is hard to pull yourself back up and it is better to take action sooner than later by seeing your Doctor as soon as possible.  Also there is a great herb called St. John’s Wort that helps mild cases of depression.  Please check with your Doctor before using it and you can also do some research on the net about that herb.

4.  Feeling that you are cheating even after you are divorced is just a result of the fear and mindset that you have for now.  That feeling will change over time.  Instead of dating or having sex with someone else go for friendship and don’t have an intimate relationship until you are really ready to move on.  You can set up “coffee” meetings with the opposite sex where there are no expectations of things going further but yet it will give you some companionship and allow you to work through the fear of moving forward.  Look at the opposite sex as potential friendships and don’t go beyond that for now.  It is never good to rush into another relationship after a divorce.  You need time to work through all of your feelings, to learn from your first marriage and to grow emotionally and spiritually before taking on another serious relationship.   

The good news is that there is life after divorce and it can be a very good life.  Read and educate yourself as much as you can on the subject of divorce and also work on building up your self-esteem.  We have many great articles on our website on self-esteem and a good recommended reading list that I feel you can benefit from.  Please study our site thoroughly and use your alone time in a positive way. 

Please understand you have free will.  This advice is given only in the realm of personal growth and self-help. This is not to be considered a substitute for therapy or professional counseling.  We wish you well.