I fear my husband doesn’t love me anymore.
Dear Positive Way: I really need positive solutions in my marriage, as it is really falling apart, and I fear that my husband doesn’t love me any more, or perhaps is getting involved with someone else. Please help me. Also sign me up for your newsletter. Signed, Lonely and Afraid.
Dear Lonely and Afraid: I really feel for you. It’s really tough to be in the situation that you are facing.
It’s really good that you are taking action. The bad news is that over 50% of marriages end with a break up today. The good news is that you CAN do something about it.
It’s natural to feel really close and that there are no problems when you first get together with someone. It’s also natural to later to start to feel like it’s not perfect any more and to start growing apart. This happens to everyone to some degree or another at some time in their relationship. The keys that we at The Positive Way see for getting through that distress to create a deeper long-lasting loving relationship include the following:
1. Be committed to each other and the relationship. Be willing to work through the problems and stick together.
2. Work as a team. Know that you are in this together. The question is not “What can YOU do to make me happy or fix the relationship?” The question is, “What can WE do together to work through this?” When you ask the WE question, you are inviting a joint solution like a team.
3. Learn how to communicate and solve problems together even when you are stressed out. You have never been taught or shown how to communicate in a loving relationship….no one is unless they somehow read many books or attended classes. Don’t beat yourself up over it; just make a choice to learn how.
Here are a few things that you could do:
1. Cruise our website and read the pages on communication. Some of the tips and links from this page may help you Also take a look at the section on “Relationships for Lovers“. Try the relationship quizzes . These may help you understand the situation a bit better.
2. Consider getting a copy of our book “Talk to Me: How to Create Positive Loving Communication.” It will help you learn how to create new love one word at a time. It’s easy to read and people tell us it is very helpful.
3. Find a communication and relationship skills training course in your area. I highly recommend the PREP type courses! You can find out who is teaching them in your area by surfing through our links page to the PREP directory. If there isn’t a PREP type course in your area, you can try the Smart Marriages or ACME links for other training courses. OR talk to priests or ministers in your area and ask them what pre-marital or marital skills training they know of.
You have some choices. They may be difficult to some degree but at least you have options. I highly recommend learning how to communicate and solve problems. It can help you for the rest of you life.
Please understand you have free will. This advice is given only in the realm of personal growth and self-help. This is not to be considered a substitute for therapy or professional counseling. We wish you well.