I have a fear of being hurt
I’ll get to the point I’m 28 and been dating a 41yr old man for 2yrs I really love him he has always respect me and my feelings. So the problem is I let my fear of being hurt by him control my reactions sometimes and I feel insecure sometimes so I don’t know if this is normal in a relationship or is this a sign of a unhealthy relationship help me! Signed, Wanting.
Dear Wanting, Thank you for your email. I can understand that your fear of being hurt could control your reactions. Some insecurity is normal in any new relationship. However you mentioned you’ve been together 2 years and I am concerned if you are continuing to feel insecure within the relationship. Here are some things I would like you to consider doing:
1. If you haven’t already done so, please take the Relationship Dynamics Scale. Check your score. If you score in the yellow or red light area then there needs to be some caution before making any permanent plans.
2. Also read the WINE signs and the advice given. When all four of these signs exist there is a need for change.
3. Please take the Compatibility Guide and compare scores. This allows for open discussion on any obvious differences that might show up.
4. Have you been able to share your honest feelings with this man without repercussions? Have you discussed what values, morals and principles you both have? Have you discussed money issues, children and what role each of you will play in a long-term relationship? For a lasting loving relationship it is important to share the same morals, principles and values. You can be different in many other ways that won’t harm the relationship.
Questions I have: Has the man you’ve been dating been married before? If so how many times? If so what does he state to be the cause of the divorce? Are there any children involved in his past or yours? Have the two of you ever broken up before over the past 2 years? Is there any drug or alcohol abuse?
After you have considered the above and completed the evaluations please write me again with the results and questions answered. I feel with more information I could be more helpful in providing sound advice.
Please understand you have free will. This advice is given only in the realm of personal growth and self-help. This is not to be considered a substitute for therapy or professional counseling. We wish you well.