He shows no consideration for my feelings
Dear Positive Way, I have been dating a guy for 2 years we live in NZ and he came here after splitting with his wife of 13 years – they are still married and good friends, neither is wanting to ‘divorce’ I am anxious about this, he tells me it is none of my business, they send each other gifts at Xmas and on bdays and he calls her, texts and emails her – he says they are just friends she is in Scotland and he feels guilty for how he treated her – he has encouraged her to visit NZ and offered for her to stay a night with us.
when he arrived in NZ he meet up with and English girl who’s fiancée was still in the UK they had a strong romance and have remained in touch – she is back living here with her fiancée and back in touch with him ‘as friends’ they work in the same industry which is very tight knit and both will be at an all weekend conference next month – he tells me there is nothing to worry about – yet when they text each other there is a X on the the end of it which he apparently puts on all of his messages. He has told me I can use his hotel room for the weekend but can not go to the dinner and fancy dress as no one takes their partners and its a chance for him to mingle with people in his industry.
I have a house and he has moved in, he keeps telling me he is broke and can’t afford to take me out or away for the weekend yet he goes on a snow skills weekend, has booked a cycling weekend, goes hiking with friends and to the pub and is joining the gym – I feel as though I am the little house wife at home and all is fun stuff is done with everyone else.
I believe in marriage and openness and am divorced I do not keep in touch with my ex’s or feel the need to – if I saw him we would be friendly but my boyfriend feels the need to be involved and asked his wife to stay without consulting me – he shows no consideration for my feelings and puts it down to my jealousy and insecurity and possessiveness and has told me that no guy will ever put up with me and my jealousy signed, foolhearted, age 39
Dear Foolhearted, Your feelings about all of this are valid, normal and real. Your boyfriend is the one that is wrong in this situation. He has no consideration or respect for you or your feelings.. This man is a user and he will not change. My advice is to end the relationship. Send him packing. Take back your house and your dignity. There are wonderful men out there that will respect you and your feelings. This man is not worth anymore of your time or emotional investment. End the relationship and keep looking for the right mate for you. We have many articles that may help. Please take some time to read and learn from this experience. There are always life lessons at play – learn the lesson and then move on.
Please understand you have free will. This advice is given only in the realm of personal growth and self-help. This is not to be considered a substitute for therapy or professional counseling. We wish you well.