Ending a Relationship

How to break up with someone.

There are no easy ways to end a relationship.  It always hurts one if not both people involved.  Many times it hurts the person being rejected so deeply that it can take months and sometimes years to mend the broken heart.  Listed below are some suggestions on how to break off a relationship that may ease the pain overall.

1.  Do it in person if at all possible.  Yes, it will be difficult but this allows for more closure overall and it shows respect for the relationship in general.  We suggest you meet in a public place so things can’t get too out of control with others around.  Pick a coffee shop or a bookstore and find a quiet corner to talk.

2.  Use the “oreo” approach.  Start out with a sincere compliment and then state the fact that you want to end the relationship and explain why without shaming or blaming the other person.  Own your feelings and your part in why the relationship can no longer work out.  Read our Express and Own Your Feelings before hand and practice the suggestions we state for communicating your thoughts and feelings. Once you have said what you intended to say end with a sincere closure by wishing the person well and thanking them for meeting with you and listening to you.

3.  Keep this meeting short and to the point.  Don’t allow the other person to shame or quilt you into changing your mind.  State your truth and then end the conversation.  Set some boundaries in place and don’t allow things to go on and on.

4.  Don’t leave the person thinking there is a chance of getting back together.  Say what you mean and mean what you say.  Don’t play games with their emotions.  Don’t give mixed signals.

5.  Understand you cannot control how the other person will react. You can only control how you approach this subject and how you respond.  You are not responsible for their feelings and you cannot control how they feel about this breakup.  They will work through their feelings over time and you cannot control what happens on their end.

Remember this:  People enter our lives for many reasons.  Some will enter our lives for a few moments, some for a few days, some for a few months, and others for several years.  Each person and relationship has a lesson to be learned.  Ask yourself “what did I learn from this person and this relationship?”  Learn the lesson and then move forward.  If you don’t learn the lesson you will repeat this pattern and draw the same type of person to you.  Really do some soul searching and try to learn the lesson before moving on. Once the lesson is learned you will be more equipped to create a better relationship in the future.
See our recommended reading list on breaking up and moving on.