Compatibility & Interest Guide
Are you and your partner compatible? Compatibility is key to success. You’re having a fun time. Life is pretty good most of the time. You’re thinking about a long future. BUT how compatible are you really? See our Relationship Deal Breakers.
Take the Risk of Divorce Quiz to see if a relationship is at a higher risk of divorce. See how you rate with thirteen key divorce risk factors. It takes more than compatibility and love.
Differences are the spice of life but how you share, enjoy, and nurture them in each other will have a tremendous influence on how stable and happy your relationship is in the long term.
This is a real relationship building exercise.
It is designed to give you insights into your views in these 7 areas: social preference, principles/values, religion/beliefs, family, money, communications, and interests/activities. Further, you may compare your scores with those of another person to gain insight into how compatible you might be. This guide presents an opportunity to compare and confirm where you are alike and to investigate any indicated differences. We at The Positive Way feel that couples should establish a positive foundation for the future by having these discussions in a meaningful way prior to making any long term commitments.
The ideal time to sort all of these issues out is while you are still dating and considering becoming engaged. However many couples become aware of the stress of money on the relationship after the honeymoon. The sooner you deal with the money issues, the more likely you are to sustain your relationship. One study found that the initial division of responsibilities for handling family finances in the first few months of marriage was related significantly to subsequent marital satisfaction and divorce. See our section on love and money for more.
We recommend that print this out to and complete it on paper to get the most benefit from the answer and review process. It will take 10 to 20 minutes to complete the forms and score them but isn’t your relationship worth this small investment?
If you and your partner don’t have the time or the interest in completing the questionnaire or just cannot talk about these topics, that may be an indication that your relationship is not as deep or as committed as you might want or you may really benefit from learning some additional communication skills.
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When you complete the forms as an individual, you will have a better idea of who you should be looking for in an ideal mate.
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When both you and a partner complete the forms and discuss them, you will be much farther down the road than most couples are today toward discovering compatibility and how well you communicate. Congratulations.
Please answer each question by checking the box in the column that represents your preference.
There are no wrong answers. Answer all questions in the compatibility quiz before scoring.
Scoring instructions and an example are near the bottom.
| Example |
Never |
Rarely |
Sometimes |
Often |
Very Often |
| 1. I have a positive attitude. |
Ö |
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| 2. I play sports. |
Ö |
| Social Preference |
Never |
Rarely |
Sometimes |
Often |
Very Often |
| 1. I like to be with people. | |||||
| 2. I talk to as many people as possible at social events. | |||||
| 3. I like to meet new people and make new friends. | |||||
| 4. I prefer a lot of friends. | |||||
| 5. I find it easy to talk to strangers. | |||||
| 6. I like getting phone calls. | |||||
| 7. I prefer being with people over reading a good book. | |||||
| 8. I like to attend parties and social events. | |||||
| 9. Social events energize me. | |||||
| 10. I am easy to approach and talk freely. | |||||
|
Total Number of Checks in Each Column |
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|
Multiply the Number of Checks by this Column Value |
x 1 |
x 2 |
x 3 |
x 4 |
x 5 |
|
COLUMN SCORE |
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|
CATEGORY SCORE = SUM OF ALL COLUMN SCORES |
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| Principles/Values |
Never |
Rarely |
Sometimes |
Often |
Very Often |
| 1. Honesty in a relationship is important to me. | |||||
| 2. Commitment in a relationship is important to me.. | |||||
| 3. I treat people fairly and with respect. | |||||
| 4. I am dependable. | |||||
| 5. I keep my promises. | |||||
| 6. I say what I mean and mean what I say. | |||||
| 7. I believe in faithfulness even while just dating. | |||||
| 8. I seek first to understand others and then to be understood. | |||||
| 9. I enjoy helping others. | |||||
| 10. It’s important for me to keep learning and developing self-love. | |||||
|
Total Number of Checks in Each Column |
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|
Multiply the Number of Checks by this Column Value |
x 1 |
x 2 |
x 3 |
x 4 |
x 5 |
|
COLUMN SCORE |
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|
CATEGORY SCORE = SUM OF ALL COLUMN SCORES |
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| Religion/Beliefs |
Never |
Rarely |
Sometimes |
Often |
Very Often |
| 1. I go to church. | |||||
| 2. It is important that my partner have similar beliefs. | |||||
| 3. I form opinions about others by their actions not by their beliefs. | |||||
| 4. I believe there are many ways of believing and showing faith. | |||||
| 5. Preaching to others is important to me. | |||||
| 6. I pray and/or read the holy scriptures. | |||||
| 7. Faith is important and/or I practice my faith. | |||||
| 8. “God” is important in my life. | |||||
| 9. I enjoy learning about others beliefs. | |||||
| 10. Church rules influence my life. | |||||
|
Total Number of Checks in Each Column |
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|
Multiply the Number of Checks by this Column Value |
x 1 |
x 2 |
x 3 |
x 4 |
x 5 |
|
COLUMN SCORE |
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|
CATEGORY SCORE = SUM OF ALL COLUMN SCORES |
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| Family |
Never |
Rarely |
Sometimes |
Often |
Very Often |
| 1. Having children is important to me. | |||||
| 2. Following my past family traditions is important. | |||||
| 3. Visiting my family on holidays is a must. | |||||
| 4. My partner should visit my family with me. | |||||
| 5. I honor my parents wishes over my partners wishes. | |||||
| 6. My parents should know my private business. | |||||
| 7. Family should be involved in arguments with my partner. | |||||
| 8. There should be only one head of household. | |||||
| 9. Children should do as I say not as I do. | |||||
| 10. I believe and/or practice corporal punishment. | |||||
|
Total Number of Checks in Each Column |
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|
Multiply the Number of Checks by this Column Value |
x 1 |
x 2 |
x 3 |
x 4 |
x 5 |
|
COLUMN SCORE |
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|
CATEGORY SCORE = SUM OF ALL COLUMN SCORES |
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| Money |
Never |
Rarely |
Sometimes |
Often |
Very Often |
| 1. Spending is more important than saving. | |||||
| 2. I buy what I want when I want it no matter what. | |||||
| 3. I shop and spend often. | |||||
| 4. I gamble. | |||||
| 5. I carry large balances on my credit cards. | |||||
| 6. Good credit is overrated. | |||||
| 7. I should have my own bank account and spending money without question. | |||||
| 8. I have strong beliefs on when and how money should be spent. | |||||
| 9. Spending should be decided jointly. | |||||
| 10. Both partners should earn an income. | |||||
|
Total Number of Checks in Each Column |
|||||
|
Multiply the Number of Checks by this Column Value |
x 1 |
x 2 |
x 3 |
x 4 |
x 5 |
|
COLUMN SCORE |
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|
CATEGORY SCORE = SUM OF ALL COLUMN SCORES |
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| Communications |
Never |
Rarely |
Sometimes |
Often |
Very Often |
| 1. It’s easy for me to express my real feelings. | |||||
| 2. I settle disputes calmly and without argument. | |||||
| 3. I am open minded and willing to change. | |||||
| 4. I am optimistic and good natured. | |||||
| 5. I am a good listener. | |||||
| 6. I have a good sense of humor. | |||||
| 7. I control my temper. | |||||
| 8. When I’m stressed I choose to be alone. | |||||
| 9. I like to share my thoughts and feelings with my partner. | |||||
| 10. I am a good conversationalist. | |||||
|
Total Number of Checks in Each Column |
|||||
|
Multiply the Number of Checks by this Column Value |
x 1 |
x 2 |
x 3 |
x 4 |
x 5 |
|
COLUMN SCORE |
|||||
|
CATEGORY SCORE = SUM OF ALL COLUMN SCORES |
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| Interests/Activities |
Never |
Rarely |
Sometimes |
Often |
Very Often |
| 1. I enjoy watching sports. | |||||
| 2. I’m into exercise, fitness and/or sports. | |||||
| 3. I enjoy movies and/or the arts. | |||||
| 4. I enjoy music and/or dancing. | |||||
| 5. Recreational drugs are acceptable. | |||||
| 6. I smoke. | |||||
| 7. I drink alcohol. | |||||
| 8. I enjoy the bar scene. | |||||
| 9. I like to attend and/or give parties. | |||||
| 10. I follow the “crowd”. | |||||
|
Total Number of Checks in Each Column |
|||||
|
Multiply the Number of Checks by this Column Value |
x 1 |
x 2 |
x 3 |
x 4 |
x 5 |
|
COLUMN SCORE |
|||||
|
CATEGORY SCORE = SUM OF ALL COLUMN SCORES |
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SCORING INSTRUCTIONS AND EXAMPLE
Once you have finished marking your answer for each of the questions, you can now do the scoring following these simple steps:
- Count the number of check marks you have made in each column and enter these numbers into the boxes on the line “Total Number of Checks in Each Column.”
- Multiply the number of checks by the “value” of the column. Columns are “valued” at 1, 2, 3, 4, or 5. Enter that new number in the row called “COLUMN SCORE.”
- Add all of the column scores and put that total in the box called “CATEGORY SCORE = SUM OF ALL COLUMN SCORES.” This is your category score for each of the topics.
| EXAMPLE SCORING |
Never |
Rarely |
Sometimes |
Often |
Very Often |
| A positive attitude is good. |
Ö |
||||
| I play sports. |
Ö |
||||
| I sleep at least eight hours per day. |
Ö |
||||
|
Total Number of Checks in Each Column |
0 |
1 |
0 |
2 |
0 |
|
Multiply the Number of Checks by this Column Value |
x 1 |
x 2 |
x 3 |
x 4 |
x 5 |
|
COLUMN SCORE |
2 |
8 |
|||
|
CATEGORY SCORE = SUM OF ALL COLUMN SCORES |
10 |
||||
Once you and a partner have completed the guide, you may compare category scores to get a general idea of compatibility in these areas. You may then review your responses to each of the questions and discuss how you agree and disagree. This is an excellent opportunity to share values and interests, to establish communications about important topics and to find out more about yourself and others. You should be able to get a good sense of your compatibility from this exercise. Are you more alike or opposites?
CATEGORIES TOTAL SCORES
| Social Preference |
Yours |
Partner’s |
| Principles/Values | ||
| Religion/Beliefs | ||
| Family | ||
| Money | ||
| Communications | ||
| Interests/Activities |
Contrary to popular myth, people who are more alike than different are more likely to be compatible in the long run. Opposites may attract but people who share the same basic values and principles are more likely to stay together. You will have some different interests but it is the values and principles that you have in common that will make for a lasting relationship. How you appreciate and accommodate the differences you and your partner share, will make a big difference in how stable and happy your long term relationship is. Internet Dating Sites
Please read our “Compatibility and Lifestyle” article.
