Table of Contents
About the Authors
Introduction
Chapter 1 – Anne and Peter – A Story of a Loving Garden
Chapter 2 – How Anne and Peter Saved Their Marriage
Chapter 3 – A New Beginning
Chapter 4 – Where Are You and Where Do You Go from Here?
Chapter 5 – The Couple’s Fair Exchange Process
Chapter 6 – Communicating in a Positive Way – Guidelines for Loving Communication
Chapter 7 – Understanding
Chapter 8 – Kindness
Chapter 9 – Honesty
Chapter 10 – Respect
Chapter 11 – Communicating Under Stress
Chapter 12 – How to Succeed
Resources and Recommended Reading List
EXCERPT – Introduction:
We invite you to enrich your loving relationships with
“Talk to Me”. We will help you discover new ways to create the love you want in your life one word at a time.
You are human, with fears, desires, needs, wants, expectations and strong emotions that you don’t always understand. At the same time you’ve chosen to share your life with your partner. Now you have your own emotions as well as his/hers to share. This isn’t always easy, especially with all the pressures and expectations of life. It is sad that communication is usually the first thing that breaks down in a loving relationship. When you need each other the most, you are heading in different directions, unable to talk with each other. You can change that. You can come back together by learning to communicate in a positive way. This book will help show you the way.
Relationships do not live in silence.
Communicating is much easier and safer when you have a process and guidelines to follow. “Talk to Me” will teach you many techniques, including the important Couple’s Fair Exchange Process, which has three straightforward and powerful elements: 1) Equal time for each to speak, 2) A commitment to reach understanding before making a decision, and 3) Four guidelines for communicating based on understanding, kindness, honesty and respect. The Couple’s Fair Exchange Process is both a guide and a safety net for even the most troubled relationships.
“Talk to Me” gives you clear examples to follow in order to create the positive change you want in your life.
A relationship may be likened to a garden. You reap what you sow and success or failure depends on how well you tend it. Words from the heart presented in a positive way have the chance of taking root and growing like flowers into the garden of a balanced intimate relationship. One kind word or deed can go a very long way. Negative words or deeds, like weeds, can cause considerable damage. With enough damage, the garden goes to ruin and soon only bitter weeds will grow – in silence.
“Talk to Me” begins with a story of a newlywed couple, Peter and Anne, whose relationship is already in trouble after less than a year together. Their relationship is like a garden that is full of weeds of negative words and deeds, and more thorns are exchanged than the flowers of positive, loving communication. Let’s follow their lives for a while and listen to what is really going on.
EXCERPT – From Chapter 3: A New Beginning EXCERPT – From Chapter 3: A New Beginning:
Sometimes all you desperately want is for your partner to talk to you. You think or ask, “Talk to Me” and yet receive no kindness or understanding. Even in a good relationship there are times when you might feel alone, hurt or misunderstood, and you or your partner may be withdrawn. This doesn’t have to mean that your relationship is doomed. Withdrawal is a natural human behavior that can be brought on by many factors, including stress, fatigue or even habit. The understanding and practice of positive communication skills can help you to create the loving communication that you desire. Developing these communication skills provides you the opportunity to come closer together in a new level of understanding.
It’s not at all uncommon for even the best marriages or relationships to hit a bump in the road to happiness. It is, in fact, to be expected. Sooner or later individuals in a committed relationship may find themselves asking, “Is this all there is?” Passion has turned down a notch and the relationship is moving into a new phase where each person seeks to establish themselves within this new context. It can be exciting, difficult, intimidating, scary, or frustrating to go through this relationship development. Don’t feel bad. This is a natural process and the guidance in this book will help you turn that process in the direction you want it to take for the future of your relationship.
Partners in a positive, loving relationship have learned how to share loving communication with respect, honesty, kindness and understanding. They also share an enduring commitment to one another and to the careful practice of these skills and the art of loving. You now have the opportunity to share in this joy of life.
Positive communication has several characteristics to ensure it is effective and productive for the relationship as well as those who are in it. Often you aren’t only trying to communicate a specific message but you are also trying to be sure that your partner cares about you and what’s going on in your life and your relationship.
Characteristics that are often used to describe positive, loving communication in a relationship include the following four:
- The couple always makes time to talk. Each can get their partner’s commitment to talk about any subject even if it’s just to agree on a specific time to talk in the near future rather than at the moment the topic is first brought up. There’s a shared sensitivity for each other so the “right” time can be agreed upon.
- There’s room for disagreement. It’s not the absence of disagreement that characterizes the “perfect” relationship but rather how well the inevitable disagreements or conflicts are handled. Acceptance and understanding are as appropriate as agreement and compromise.
- The couple has reached an understanding on how to communicate to ensure that even difficult matters can be discussed with safety, respect, and kindness. The most difficult topics can be discussed in the safe knowledge that the loving relationship will continue.
- Each partner feels safe, respected, validated, and strong as an individual. There’s a shared understanding of what’s truly important to each person, as well as to the relationship.
How individuals handle their differences as a couple may be more important to their relationship than how they accommodate their similarities. Differences lead to conflict and conflict often leads to a breakdown in communication. Once you learn how to communicate in a positive way, you can accommodate your honest feelings of anger, frustration and the like without having to suppress them. You can be yourself while you talk or argue about difficult issues without attacking your partner, your relationship or yourself. You can have positive communication about negative things. Your relationship can grow stronger as you manage your differences and problems together as a couple.
You started your loving relationship with the hope and expectation of a lifetime of happiness, comfort, understanding and friendship. What can you do to fulfill this expectation? You can read on and take action on the information provided in this book. There is hope for those who wish to create a new relationship or improve an existing one.
From The Positive Way.
The book “Talk to Me” by Steven C. Martin and Catherine A. Martin is an excellent resource for everyone who is in search of a positive relationship. Learn how to create loving relationships one word at a time. Positive communication is the key to love and romance. Positive communication is also the key to good relationships at work. How well you communicate with your customers, boss, subordinates, and coworkers can make a big difference in how successful you are. Keep people happy by listening to and understanding them and you will win. The roles of understanding, honesty, kindness, and respect in life are, unfortunately, underestimated today. Those who understand the secrets of their use, have a chance to make a positive difference in their lives every day. Business managers have told the authors that the book is misstated…it is not just for couples, it is for everyone…it is not just about love, it is about winning communication.
A positive attitude can help you win in life. The story told in the first chapter of “Talk to Me” is true. It is a composite taken from the lives of several families and molded together to maintain confidentiality for the people involved. You too have the chance to win. Catherine and Steven Martin invite you to read “Talk to Me” and change your life in a positive way.