Should I give up on this relationship?
Dear Positive Way, My boyfriend and i have been together for just under 8 months. We have stopped communicating and started talking at one another the problem is this started about 6 months ago. I met him online and thought he seems cool. So i agreed to meet up with him. We hung out the first night for over 7 hours. I then drove down to his house an hour and 1/2 away after work a few days later and then realized he never told me he didn’t drive and if this was going to be a relationship i was going to be investing a lot of driving time and money on gas ect. I said to myself i’m not going to not try this because it seems hard i’m going to see how it goes. Well to make it short we started spending every weekend together starting with the following weekend and 2-4 days during the week. I racked up 25,000 miles on my car and have spent thousands of dollars on gas and then food when we are out or movies and gifts. Those things normally don’t bother me but he hasn’t even tried to meet me 1/4 way and! it hurts. Should i give up on this relationship? Anytime i have an issue with something he holds it over my head. I verbalize everything and sometimes say things i wish i could take back like pointing out that i’ve been there or that i’ve spent x amount of dollars on him. He says he deserves the things i’ve giving him by the time he gets all the greif for asking for anything. He makes me feel as though he can walk out of the relationship tomorrow and be just fine while i have cried almost everyday of the past month. I’m at my witts end . What i would like to see change is being able to say things so that i’m not pointing a finger at what he’s not doing. I would love for him to realize how much i’ve actually invested in loving him and if he doesn’t love me in return to stop telling me he does so that i can have some dignity if its over. Thank you, signed, ldf620, age 29
Dear ldf620, you obviously are a loving and very giving person and I am afraid you have latched on to a taker in life. Some people are takers and some are givers. He is a taker and always will be. My advice is you should end this relationship now. Get out now and save your dignity.
One more day in this type of relationship is too long. There are many loving and giving men that would be more of an equal match for you and the facts are that the best relationships are those where the people are more alike than not in most ways but especially when it comes to morals, principles, and values. You two do not have a match in those important areas. Let the relationship go now and learn from it.
There are no mistakes in life just life lessons. Take some time to really look at yourself and this relationship and ask what were the life lessons presented. One lesson is that a relationship needs to be more on an equal basis rather than a one-sided giving basis. A giving and loving person like yourself needs a giving and loving person in return. We recommend a few books that I feel you will find helpful. Also, if you really want to find a mate over the net then try a couple of reputable sites that have a good reputation for finding someone that is more of a match in the morals, principles, and values area.
Learn from this experience, redefine what is really important for you and a relationship and don’t settle for less. If you stay with this man you are settling and that will create much more pain and anguish in the future. It is best to let it go now. Mourn the loss, learn the lessons, and move on.
Please understand you have free will. This advice is given only in the realm of personal growth and self-help. This is not to be considered a substitute for therapy or professional counseling. We wish you well.