Should I call

Should I call my depressed girlfriend?

My girlfriend suffers from major depression.  She just came 2 consecutive 2 year serious relationships.  The last was very difficult in that she tried to commit suicide to get this guys attention.  I met her shortly afterward and we fell in love.  She seemed happy until she moved in with her roommates from college.  Her new thing became partying and hanging out with her friends without any boyfriend  to answer to.  This was ok with me for a while, but she would forget plans we had made and not respond to emails and just not seemed that interested in being with me.  I knew she was drifting away but I knew that this was a time in her life to sort of have college fun again.  Well, I snapped one day and told her that I wish things were back to the way they were before she moved.   We had a talk and I felt really bad that I had tried to smother her.  We had fun when I saw her but I was feeling that I wasn’t on her mind as much.  She told me that she had been drifting away from me for some time but she was afraid to tell me.   I told her that was ok as long as she was honest with me.  She said that when she wasn’t with her friends she may just want to be alone.  I said this was fine as long as she told me. Also I had broken up with someone to be with her and she said that I was mad because now I was being abandoned. For a few days I felt guilty and tried to call her a lot and mend things but it was too late.  She broke up with me “for a while” and said “I’ll keep in touch.”  It’s been a month and a mutual friend said that she wants to call but doesn’t want me to get the wrong idea.  She swears that she loves me. Should I call or just let her decide whether she wants me or not?  She won’t even face me, breaking up with me over the phone.  I love her very much and only want to talk to her and let her know that I’ll go along with whatever she wants.  Signed, Bill age 29

Dear Bill: Thank you for your email. It is very difficult being with someone that suffers from major depression.  I am concerned that you are willing to go along with whatever she wants.  You need to do what you want to do and if that means calling her then do it.  Let her know you really care for her and hope she feels the same.  If she doesn’t then give her space and you should start dating other people.  Don’t wait around for her to be in the mood for you.

Bill, you can love someone very much but if they can’t return the love then you must mourn the loss so you can move on.  Please read our articles on love on our web site and also read the article how to Express and own Your Feelings before you call your girlfriend.  I think you will find the information very helpful.  I wish you all the best.

Please understand you have free will.  This advice is given only in the realm of personal growth and self-help. This is not to be considered a substitute for therapy or professional counseling.  We wish you well.

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