Self esteem and Dating

Self-esteem and Dating

Dear Positive Way, I am a single white female, never been married, or had approx 6 dates my entire life.  I am aching for affection.  I have gained the confidence to start exploring with online dating.  What happens is I usually start chatting with nice guy and we chat very well, flirt and discuss our first date.  My problem is I tend to fall quickly and start thinking about the potential and dreaming of a relationship so much.  I have created one in my head and I have not even had a first date.  But I am enjoying the attention so much.  I need to learn to take it slow and not appear desperate and or needy.  I try very hard to come across in-depth, but in reality I crave a relationship.  Now I feel very hurt and tearful for a great guy that has slowed his excitement for me and is now asking for a rain check for our date.  How can I stop getting myself in these rejection-like situations?  I do try to start slow, and sometimes the man seems to be going to fast so I jump in as well, then it seems to
back fire.  I need to move on.  Just help me not to get too fired up about the men. Thank you. Signed, klc92861, age 46

Dear klc92861, you are not alone in your feelings and responses when it comes to dating and the opposite sex.  This is more common that you might imagine and I do have some suggestions for you to consider:

  1. 1.  Go into dating thinking to yourself that this man has to “earn the right” to be in your life.  This way you can be more cautious and careful about whom you open your heart to.
  2. Define who your ideal mate might be for yourself.  SeeIdentifying Your Ideal Mate .  It is important to figure out for yourself what qualities in a man would make a good match for you.  What are your morals, principles, and values?  Once you figure out what yours are then a good match would be someone that has similar morals, principles and values to yours.  Like attracts like when it comes to those characteristics.  You can rule out many people early on before you get emotionally involved once you have a clear idea of who you are and what you are looking for.
  3. Enjoy the process of dating and getting to know the other person.  Most people put on an act early on and don’t show their true character or self right away.  You need to take the time to get to see the real person – the real character before investing your heart and soul.  Once you have clearly defined what an ideal mate for you would be then it will be easier to spot what you are looking for and rule out those that don’t match your list.

Please understand you have free will.  This advice is given only in the realm of personal growth and self-help. This is not to be considered a substitute for therapy or professional counseling.  I wish you well.