My fiancé is pregnant. The problem is that my fiancé wont talk to me about our problem. She wont talk to me about anything. I don’t really know what the problem is. She tells me that I need to not act like a kid. But I don’t see how I act like a kid. She talks to her ex-boyfriends that I am driving her insane. She wont tell me how I am driving her insane though. I want to know how to fix the problem so I don’t lose her or the baby. I Love Her with all my heart. Please help me. Signed, badtothebone86, age 19
Dear Badtothebone86: You and your fiancé are in a difficult situation that is causing a lot of stress and reevaluation. Your fiancé is telling you that you act like a kid and are smothering her and that she needs some space. Here are a couple of suggestions for you to consider:
1. Women tend to fall in love through their ears. Since she won’t talk to you directly for now I would suggest you write her a letter explaining how much you love her and that you will support her and the baby. Becoming a Father can make you grow up really fast and she needs to know that you will act more adult at this very serious turning point in your relationship.
2. Pregnancy causes the hormones in a woman to go off balance and therefore that can translate in to mood swings and irritation with others. I am sure your fiancee is feeling a lot of pressure about becoming pregnant and having to deal with your lives changing dramatically. That is a very scary thing for all involved. She needs understanding and appreciation at this time and not pressure of any kind. Give her some space. You can let her know through a note or letter how much you care and that you will be there for her when she is ready to talk.
3.Please read our article Express and Own your Feelings and also the Five Myths of Love and How to Love Your Mate. I feel you will find some helpful information in those articles that will allow you to approach her in a more gentle and reassuring way and that will open up the communication.
The important thing is to be patient and have more understanding for her and the position she is in. Having a child is a life changing event and pregnancy is a very emotional as well as physical change for the woman. Give her some space and then be there for her when she is ready to talk.
Becoming a parent will be the most important job you will have in your lifetime. Take it very seriously and read as much information as you can on the subject of parenting and relationships in general. Our site has hundreds of pages that can help educate and enlighten you on this journey. You can start with the articles I mentioned above and then click on this link for more information.
Please understand you have free will. This advice is given only in the realm of personal growth and self-help. This is not to be considered a substitute for therapy or professional counseling. We wish you well.