Jealousy & How to handle it.

Jealous according to Webster’s New World Dictionary means:

  • Very watchful or careful in guarding or keeping.

  • Resentfully suspicious of a rival or a rival’s influence

Jealousy is a fear of losing your partner to someone else.

Jealousy is one of the many emotions that we can experience in an intimate relationship.

A little jealousy can be good for a relationship. We tend to interpret this emotion as love and it can keep us from taking each other for granted.

He can be jealous if he feels his partner honors or respects another man over him. If she admires another man’s strengths instead of acknowledging that her own partner has such strengths, then that may cause him to be jealous.

She can be jealous if he spends time with coworkers, secretaries or the like including having lunch or dinner with the opposite sex. Women tend to not trust the “other woman” more than not trusting her man.

Jealousy can hurt a relationship if it becomes an obsession in which you do not trust your partner and feel that you have to watch their every move. Questioning them constantly about where they have been and who they have been with. Insinuating that they have done something wrong or have cheated. Calling them several times a day, having them carry a beeper, cell phone or the like so you can be in contact with them many times a day. Making assumptions that they are cheating can hurt the relationship.

What can you do if you are feeling jealous in a relationship?

1. Couples can admit to being jealous.

2. Sit and talk about how they feel and point out the times that they feel most vulnerable.

3. Point out to the partner what behavior you are having problems with and then negotiate a way to deal with the problem.

4. Validate your partner’s feelings. Don’t say “you shouldn’t be jealous” or “don’t’ you trust me”. Accept your partner’s feelings, respect them and then try to find a way to help avoid doing things that may trigger those feelings. Everyone has a right to their own feelings. They are not wrong for feeling a certain way and most of us just want validation and understanding for having those feelings. We all want to be understood and accepted.

5. If you really love and respect your partner then you will make adjustments to your behaviors that may be contributing to causing your partner to feel jealous. For example: If you always flirt with the waitress when you are out together for a meal or drink and your partner feels uncomfortable with you doing this, then don’t try to justify it by saying “I’m a big flirt, or you know I like to flirt”. Instead be aware of your behavior and make adjustments so your partner won’t feel uncomfortable.

We suggest you come up with a code word that only the two of you know about and when one of you is doing something that makes the other one feel uncomfortable or jealous then just say the code word so your partner can take action and refrain from that behavior. this “code word” will save a lot of arguing and problems if it is used and responded to immediately. You can later discuss what has happened in the privacy of your own home where no one else can hear your discussion. See Expressing and Owning Your Feelings by clicking here and See our article What you think and speak