I’m afraid of losing our friendship.

I have a really really close friend. in fact, my close friend happens to be my best friend and he’s a male. I want to take our friendship to a higher level but I am afraid it will ruin the friendship. what should I do?  Signed Sandy age 25

Dear Sandy:  Thank you for your email.  I understand your fear of losing a good friendship if you suggest a closer relationship.  Here are some things I would like for you to consider.

1.  Feel the fear and do it anyway.  Set up a meeting with your friend in a public place over a soda.  Keep the meeting without alcohol.  You both want to be clear headed.

2.  Tell him how you cherish your friendship and would not want to do anything to harm it.  Let him know that no matter what his response is to you still want him as a friend and will honor that relationship if that is what he wants.

3. Be honest and direct with your feelings.  Friendship is one of the best foundations for a loving relationship.  It is always better to start out as friends.  Let him know how you feel and what you would like to happen. Don’t bear around the bush.  Say it and don’t leave anything open for guessing games.

4.  Whatever his response is thank him for listening and allowing you to express your feelings.  Let him know he has given you a good example of what friendship is all about.

Sandy, you cannot lose a real friend when you speak openly and honest about your feelings.  A real friend will honor those feelings even if they don’t feel quite the same.  Life is too short to be playing games.  Go with your feelings.  I wish you all the best.


Please understand you have free will.  This advice is given only in the realm of personal growth and self-help. This is not to be considered a substitute for therapy or professional counseling.  We wish you well.

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