I think I am in

I think I am in an abusive relationship

Dear Positive Way
I do not think I am in a healthy relationship, my partner is a bit abusive and I do not know what to do. I do not think we are in a positive relationship, what should I do. What is a healthy relationship? signed ann2006, age 18

Dear Ann2006, You are a wise young woman to take note early on about the relationship you are in and to ask for help. Anytime there are early signs of abuse in a relationship it means things will get much worse over time.  The best thing for you to do is to get out of the relationship.  End it now no matter how much the other person pleads or begs you to stay.  If you haven’t already you should also share your concerns about this relationship with a trusted adult, like a parent, a teacher, a counselor, a pastor, or someone older than you that can help out if needed.  You cannot make another person happy.  You can only help yourself and create your own happiness and you are not responsible for anyone else’s life only yours.  We have great articles on building self-esteem that I feel can help give you more confidence in handling this matter and that will help you choose better relationships.  Work on building your self esteem so you won’t draw abusive partners your way.  Abusive partners tend to know who is weaker than themselves and they zoom in on those that they can control.  If necessary seek out professional counseling that can help you build yourself up and be more alert to abusive behavior long before you get too involved.

A healthy relationship consist of the following:
*Respect and support for each other
*Encouragement for each person to grow and do what they want to do in life
*Open communication – where you can talk about anything without criticizing and judging each other.
*No name calling, putdowns, or character assassination.
*No controlling the other person.  Let them be them and have their friends and dress they way they want to dress etc. 

We have some great articles that I feel you will find of value.  Please read Does Love Have to Hurt , Five Myths that will kill any relationship, and Expressing and Understanding Love. 

Ann2006, the best advice I can give you is to get out of the relationship now and make an older adult aware of your situation so they can be there for you if needed. Once abuse shows up in a relationship, statistics show that the abuse gets worse not better over time.  Get out now.

Please understand you have free will.  This advice is given only in the realm of personal growth and self-help. This is not to be considered a substitute for therapy or professional counseling.  We wish you well.

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