I feel betrayed.
Dear Positive Way, I have confided in a friend about some personal issues. She has been there for me for the past 2 years. I feel lately that when I tell her what is on my mind, she never acknowledges my feelings. Now to give you a background she has become friends with the person I have been speaking to her about. I never knew they had got to know each other. I feel she is there for me, however because she doesn’t make effort to meet or responds this way through email I am not sure what to think. I feel as though I am talking to myself and feel betrayed, however am unsure if i should confront it or let it go. signed, betrayed, age 43
Dear betrayed: Here are some things to consider concerning friendships and what to expect from them:
1. It is never fair to a friendship to put someone in the middle of a conflict. If this friend now knows the person you have been talking about then it is time to stop confiding in this person about the other person. Your friend has probably got divided loyalties now and it is very unfair of you to expect them to listen or respond to anything concerning the other person.
2. Friends are not therapist and sometimes when we confide in a friend for so long they get worn down and will start to withdraw from the friendship. It can be too much for a friend to handle over a long period of time.
3. Find a therapist or someone that doesn’t know these other two people and talk to them. Make the decision to not treat your friends like therapist especially if they know all of the parties involved.
4. Instead of confronting this friend why not send a letter or email of apology and tell them you are sorry you put them in a uncomfortable position and that you respect them and appreciate their friendship. Don’t ask them to choose sides or to talk about the other person.
Seek out a non bias therapist or counselor that can help you work through your personal issues and keep your friendships as friends and not therapist.
Please understand you have free will. This advice is given only in the realm of personal growth and self-help. This is not to be considered a substitute for therapy or professional counseling. We wish you well.