I am a woman, about to be married for the first time in my first relationship and my fiancée has a 5 year old daughter who is spoiled and a brat. I don’t like her, but she’s just a kid. He wants to spend ALL his spare time with her, and there is no time for me. He NEVER tells me he’s bringing her home with him and there is no set schedule. he gets her whenever he wants. I am afraid there will no time for me, worse yet, no time for the child we want to have as soon as we are married. Then there will be even less time for me.
I have moved from Georgia to Montana and I have no friends and no family and I am even thinking of ending the relationship (only out of frustration) because he spends more time with her than with me.
Another thing, He ALWAYS fights with me when she’s over. It never fails. Her presence always starts a fight.
Please help or send me info where I can get it. This is my first love, I have move from the place I was born and raised just to be with him and I want this to work. Signed Francine, age 25
Dear Francine: Thank you for your email. You are in a tough position and I am afraid it won’t get better unless you seek outside help. I can understand you feeling alone and not cared for. Here are a couple of things I would like for you to consider:
1. Don’t marry this man until all of these issues are resolved. This will take help from a professional counselor. Your family Doctor or minister could give you a referral.
2. If you marry without resolving this issue, things will only get worse not better. And having a baby of your own will not solve the problem.
3. Stepfamilies have at least a 65% divorce rate because of issues over the children. It is not the children that are the problem it is the way the biological parent handles the children with the new stepfamily can causes problems.
4. Talk frankly and openly with your fiancée. Let him know how you feel and what your concerns are. Suggest strongly that the two of you get some outside help to help you resolve the issue to where it is a win win for you, your fiancée and the child.
Francine, I wish there was an easier way to handle this problem but there isn’t. It will get much worse unless you take positive action to get some professional help. I wish you all the best. Please read our articles on Stepfamilies.
Please understand you have free will. This advice is given only in the realm of personal growth and self-help. This is not to be considered a substitute for therapy or professional counseling. We wish you well.