How do I get people to respect me?

Am I being used

How do I get people to respect me?

I would really like to work on my own self-respect and dignity.  I feel that over the past year I have not taken care of myself and have not respected other people’s feelings as well. How do I get people to respect me? signed, Self-respect, age 39

Dear Self-respect, Believe it or not the only way to get people to respect you is for you to have self-respect.  People sense when others don’t respect themselves and therefore they feel that if you don’t care enough to respect yourself then why should they respect you.  Also you must give respect to others in order to receive respect back.  Here are a couple of suggestions to help you build back your self-respect and therefore get more people to respect you in return.

1.  Define what your morals, principles and values are in life and then live by them no matter what others think in return.

2. Practice what you preach.  For example: Don’t say something and then do something else.  Be a person of your word.  If you tell someone you will call them at a certain time then call them at that time.  Say what you mean and mean what you say.

3.  Set boundaries for yourself and honor those boundaries.  For example:  If you tell someone that if they talk to you a certain way in the future that is unacceptable to you then have a boundary set in place and keep to that boundary.  A consequence for the behavior you received.  Example:  If someone uses foul language in front of you and you don’t like that then tell them the next time they do that then you will walk away from the conversation.  If it happens then walk away.  Show people you mean what you say.  Set boundaries that you can and will uphold.  The minute someone senses you don’t mean what you say they will disrespect you.  Say what you mean and mean what you say.

Please read all of our articles on self-esteem and start practicing one or two of the suggestions we offer to help build yours.  Be gentle with yourself and know that it takes time to build self-esteem and self-respect.  Also read our article on Words Do Count.  If you start using more assertive words and follow through on what you say with actions then you will start gaining more respect for yourself and others and then they will respond in kind.

Please understand you have free will.  This advice is given only in the realm of personal growth and self-help. This is not to be considered a substitute for therapy or professional counseling.  We wish you well.