How can I have power in relationships

How can I have power in relationships?

Dear Positive Way, I feel I am always a victim in my relationships.  I feel I give others more value and in turn they tend to abuse me. Do you have any suggestions how I can have power in relationships? signed, Victim, age 40

Dear Victim, the first thing you can do is to change your words and thinking.  What you think so you become is an old and wise saying that holds true.  Until you change your thinking about feeling and seeing yourself as a victim you will continue to draw abusive people your way. Please read our article Words do Count – choose your words carefully .

Words and thoughts are like boomerangs – they will come back to you. Once you are solidly aware of this then all you have to do is to change your words and your thoughts the power is in your thoughts and your words.  One way to do this is through affirmations.  An affirmation is a short phrase that you repeat to yourself at least 20 times a day until it sinks in.  For example repeat the following phrase quietly to yourself and then out loud without others hearing this at least 20 times each a day:  “I respect myself and others respect me”.  come up with an affirmation that states the response you are looking for.  Make it a positive statement.  Another example would be:  “I have value as a person and others value and respect me.”

Change your words and thoughts to positive ones and let go of the victim thinking and feeling.  As you think and feel better about yourself others will pick up on that new found confidence and they will respond in kind.  If you haven’t read all of our articles on Self-esteem please do so at this time and then practice some of the tools we recommend to build yourself back up and that will bring more respect your way.


Please understand you have free will.  This advice is given only in the realm of personal growth and self-help. This is not to be considered a substitute for therapy or professional counseling.  We wish you well.

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