My girl friend and I have been dating for 2 years and I just broke up with her. The relationship was really intense and we talked about everything from living with each other next year to getting married. We fight all the time, roughly every 2-3 days, about stupid stuff. She thinks I spend too much time with my friends yet I still see her everyday and hang out at her house every weekday night. The relationship also had a lot of good times too yet I tend to think the fighting has turned me away from her. We both love each other dearly, and she says she was “in love” with me yet I don’t know if I feel the same. I definitely know I love her and I think about her every second of the day. Her parents were always into our relationship and after we broke up her mom called my mom. I think that was really stupid considering I’m 19 and she is 18. Its like we’re in third grade with the my mom call your mom crap. She also tried to make me feel bad by saying, “If you leave me I k! now I’ll kill myself.” Sometimes, with comments like that, I think she is kind of psycho. All I’m asking is your opinion. Did I make the right decision by braking up with her because of the daily fights and her parents involvement? Also, why the hell do I feel so bad about it? I understand relationships have fights, but not as much as we did. In addition, she always questioned where I was going, with who, what time I would be home, and if there would be any other girls there. She even rode by my house periodically to kind of check up on me. Your advise would really be appreciated and I apologize for the length. I’m just trying to give you as much information on the subject as possible so you guys can help. Thanks again. signed Freddy, age 19
Dear Freddy: Thank you for your email. I can understand your feelings over the break up and Yes, you did make the right decision. There were many warning signs going on in your relationship that were trying to let you see this is not your ideal mate or a good relationship. Here are some things I would like for you to consider.
1. Love is never enough to sustain a relationship. You need Honesty, Understanding, Respect and Kindness and most of all you need Trust.
2. Anytime a person threatens to “kill themselves” if their partner leaves suggest some psychological problems. The best thing your girlfriend and her mother could do is to get some professional help. They need to see a counselor, minister or a family doctor.
3. Don’t give into these kind of threats. Your girlfriend is in a lot of pain but you can’t “fix” her. If she says anything like that to you in the future tell her you are sorry she feels that way, but you are not responsible for her feelings. You can only be responsible for your own. Suggest to her that she talk to a counselor to help her through this breakup.
Freddy, you are a wise person to take the action you have taken. It is very normal to feel hurt and pain after a breakup even if you wanted the breakup. It is part of the mourning process. Feel the feelings, understand they are normal and then you can move on. In between time please read some of the articles on our web site about love and communication. There is a lot of good information with tips and techniques on how to create a lasting loving relationship. I wish you all the best.
Please understand you have free will. This advice is given only in the realm of personal growth and self-help. This is not to be considered a substitute for therapy or professional counseling. We wish you well.