As relationship consultants my husband and I have been asked what makes a couple compatible. What is truly important when it comes to finding and keeping a partner for life? The answer is that the person must be compatible and a match to the lifestyle that you have already established and defined for yourself and your way of living. You are looking for someone that is a fit to your already established lifestyle. Too many people try to force compatibility. They try to adjust to someone else’s lifestyle when it is not truly their lifestyle or lifestyle preferences. Many times we are trying to make a square fit into a round hole. It just doesn’t fit no matter how hard you try. We will never be content and happy in life if we are constantly trying to fit into someone else’s lifestyle instead of finding those people that are already a good fit and match to our already established lifestyle.
What do we mean by lifestyle? It is the way you choose to live your life the majority of time. It is your preferences in how you want things to be overall. It is your authentic self that shines through in all that you value and appreciate about life. It is where you feel the most comfortable in life. It is what you love and enjoy most in life. It is your lifestyle. Lifestyles can get established very early on in life. The more you know yourself the more established your lifestyle will be. Find people that are a match to your lifestyle.
Examples of lifestyle: Maybe you are a hard working individual that has established a business that brings you much joy and success. You value your work and what you do and how you do it. Then a compatible person for you would be one that honors and supports you and your work. A person that is happy for you and your successes in life. A person that will not be jealous or resent you and your work. They instead will respect and value what you have created and accomplished for yourself and your work.
Maybe you are a home body most of the time. You love just being in your home environment instead of going to bars and clubbing every night. Then a compatible person for you is a person that is also a home body and a person that does not want to go to bars or clubbing. They are a fit to your lifestyle choice which is to enjoy staying home and be happy with that choice.
Maybe you believe in a healthy lifestyle and have made choices to not drink or do drugs. Then a compatible person for you is a person who does not drink or do drugs.
Maybe you love animals and choose to have a pet or pets. Then a compatible person for you is a person that also loves animals.
Maybe you decided you don’t want children. Then a compatible person for you is a person that feels the same. Don’t choose a person that wants children and is silently “hoping” to change your mind/lifestyle.
Define your lifestyle and then look for people that already fit into that lifestyle. Don’t choose people that fight your lifestyle or that try to change you or your lifestyle. Let them go and find the compatible person to your established lifestyle. There are many right people for everyone’s lifestyle – look for the fits and let go of the rest.
