Are we a good match?
Well, I am a student living with my boyfriend. I was doing fine financially until moving in with him. Now I am jobless and we are living with his parents. I am graduating soon with my bachelors degree, but it seems that without leaving this small town, that there aren’t any jobs. So, I have applied to grad school so I can get a better degree. My boyfriend on the other hand is working at a local copy time store. He’s 27 and I’m 22. He was in the Army for four years and other than that has little vocational or educational training. I am starting to think that he’s not interested in going to school or bettering himself in that way. He also had a vasectomy a while back and is not sure he wants kids, whereas I someday do. I’m starting to think that we are not as matched as we thought we were. any advice would be appreciated. Signed, Doubtful
Dear Doubtful: Thank you for your email. I think you are on the right track as far as questioning whether you are matched well. Here are some points I would like for you to consider:
1. A lasting loving relationship is possible when you both have the same principles, values and morals. You can be different in many other ways but what counts in the long term is sharing the same morals, principles and values.
2. You want children. This will become an important issue for you in the future. Don’t spend your life with someone who does not want children.
3. Become independent as soon as possible. Work anywhere and earn your own money and pay your own way. You don’t want to be stuck in a situation just because you can’t afford to leave.
4. You can only change yourself. You cannot change another person. Each one of us must find our own way in life in our own style. It doesn’t mean one way is right and one is wrong. They are just different. Each person is responsible for themselves and their decisions. No one can make you feel or think a certain way. You are 100 percent in control of your feelings and thoughts.
We meet many people over a lifetime. Some are meant to be in our lives for a few days, some a few months and some a few years. Each person that comes into your life is there to help you with the lessons you need to learn. Learn from them and then move on if necessary. You are learning that maybe this man is not your ideal mate. Trust your instincts. Breaking up is hard to do as the song goes but it will be much less painful if done sooner than later.
Please understand you have free will. This advice is given only in the realm of personal growth and self-help. This is not to be considered a substitute for therapy or professional counseling. We wish you well.