Accepting Influence and Softening the Approach

The divorce rate is over 50% today. The woman pursues the majority of those divorces. Woman will take so much and then what seems to be a sudden decision as far as the husband is concerned, the wife decides she wants a divorce. She just can’t take anymore.

After many years of researching happily married couples the researchers found two common elements in all of the happily married couples. The first is that the men in the happy marriages accept influence from their wife.

The second element is that the woman softens her approach to bring up relationship issues to her husband. She uses a softer non-threatening tone and voice. She begins with I statements and refers to her feelings. She also will use humor to soften the approach. The wife broaches 97% of relationship issues. Women are the caretakers of the marital relationship. That’s just the way it is. How she starts the conversation will determine how the conversation will end. If she starts softly and more positively the talk will end on a more positive note. If she starts negatively by blaming and pointing the finger at her mate the conversation will not progress or have a positive productive outcome. Couching her remarks and concerns makes it more tolerable for the man to hear what she has to say.

Be clear and precise in what you want from your mate. Don’t get into mind reading. Someone will lose if you play mind reading games. Don’t assume your mate should know how your are thinking or feeling. Don’t assume your mate will know what to do to help heal the wounds you might have. You must tell them what you want and need. Be specific. Say what you mean and mean what you say.

Recommended reading:

Why Marriages Succeed or Fail: And How You Can Make Yours Last by John Gottman

A Couple’s Guide to Communication by John Gottman, Cliff Notarius, Jonni Gonso, Howard Markman.

The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide from the Country’s Foremost Relationship Expert by John Gottman & Nan Silver